[identity profile] awritinglilypea.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] projectwritenow
Title: Wakey, Wakey, Bond Stole Our Eggs(y) and Bakey
Fandom: James Bond and Kingsman
Pairings: 00Q and MerHartWin
Rating: T or PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own James Bond or any the Kingsman characters
Summary: James, Eggsy and Roxy go shopping. James comes for dinner. Q comes for dinner and Merlin wonders if his sanity will survive.

"I do love shopping," Roxy murmured. "It's so much better than doing paperwork."

James, feeling a touch tired nodded his head in agreement. He didn't mind shopping, himself, but the enthusiasm of the two younger people had worn him down slightly.

"Shopping won't work if we can't find where he lives," James reminded them, taking a sip of his coffee he made a face. Too sweet.

"Oh don't worry, I've got someone working on that," Roxy waved a hand and grinned. "My girlfriend."

"More's the pity," James commented, almost reflexively.

"No, that language is bad," Eggsy tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at his face. "Please none of that. You like Q, and you don't get to treat women like objects."

James gaped at him, taking a deep breath. "What is happening?"

"You're being taught how to do things the right way, like a gentleman," Eggsy told him. "Just like Harry taught me."

"What?" James asked.

"Pardon?" Roxy corrected him with a smile. "By the time Amelia gets back to us we'll be able to present you to Q, as the best possible version of yourself."

"What?" James asked again. "I mean pardon."

"Oh, we're giving you a makeover, you just haven't realized it for the last five hours, it's okay, we're very sneaky that way," Roxy told him.

"I did not agree to this," James murmured.

"Most people don't," Eggsy responded, shooting him a grin. "It's best to just go along with it though, unless you're truly uncomfortable bruv, which I don't think you are."

"No I'm not, I guess this is...alright," James sighed, feeling a little uncomfortable but not so much that he would run away.

Not that he ever ran, sometimes he just left the vicinity of possibly crazy people at a quick pace.

And if this got him closer to Q, sooner rather than later he certainly wasn't going to complain.


"Are you coming home anytime soon?" Merlin asked Eggsy, turning in a circle in the kitchen as he looked at the mess that was their kitchen.

Apparently he cooked when worried, which was new. Normally he programmed or invented things, but Harry, with all his power as Arthur had banned him from the manor and his lab effective immediately.

"I am, I'm just droppin' off Rox," Eggsy said, then murmured something to someone. Merlin heard a laugh and his stomach clenched.

He was still with James.

"And when are you dropping off Bond?"

"Oh, I'm not," Eggsy responded. "I spoke to Harry and he said that you were cooking a bit, and I mentioned James was still with me so we figured he could come for dinner."

"You and Harry decided that he should come to dinner? After so rudely interrupting us this morning?"

"Well it wasn't completely rude and we've been working on that," Eggsy replied. Merlin clenched his hand around the phone when he heard James laugh, almost entirely certain that the universe was playing some colossal oke on him.

"Very well," he finally agreed, slamming down the phone he marched upstairs to get changed. If he was going to face James Bond again it was going to be in his best jumper, the one which Eggsy claimed brought out his eyes.


"Thank you for having me for dinner," James said as he walked into the door behind Eggsy, ending whatever tirade Merlin had been ready to throw in his direction before he could even speak a word.

"You're welcome," he gritted out, taking a deep calming breath.

Eggsy practically bounded toward him, leaning in to kiss him deeply on the lips he rubbed the back of his neck and smiled.

"It's nice to see you," he told Merlin, kissing his cheek next he squeezed his hand. "Just be nice arright."

Merlin nodded his head and let out a sigh though the last thing he wanted to do was be nice toward someone who wanted to date his only child. But he would do so, especially since Q seemed to have feelings for Bond as well and he'd agreed long ago to respect his son's decisions as much as it pained him to do so.

"Would you like me to take your coat?" He offered.

James nodded, slipping his coat off he gave it to Merlin and stepped further into the flat. "I didn't notice this morning, and I do apologize for the intrusion, but this is quite a nice place you've got here for yourselves."

Merlin gaped at him again, hiding it as he turned to hang the coat on the rack and then turned back to them with a small smile. "Let's sit and have a drink, shall we? Bond, I am going to assume that you want a martini."

James nodded his head, taking a seat in the sitting room as Merlin poured the drinks and brought them over.

Eggsy sat down, smiling at them both, as happy as ever.

"So what did you two get up to today?" Merlin asked.

Eggsy rolled his eyes skyward, "I know you were watching," he told Merlin. "You saw everywhere we went, even if you couldn't hear us."

Merlin smiled sheepishly, rubbing his hand along Eggsy's shoulders, he squeezed lightly every so often, enjoying the way the younger man melted into him. "I know, I couldn't help it, you get up to such mischief."

"I never would've expected the three of you," James commented lightly. "You and Hart, perhaps, but with him," he gestured at Eggsy. "It's nice...hopeful."

Eggsy smiled a little bit. "I don't know how I managed to snag either of them myself some days," he shrugged his shoulders and took a swig of his drink. "We're all lucky. But you can be too."

Merlin forgot that sometimes his younger lover could double as a motivational speaker. He rose when Harry walked in the door and kissed his lover on the lips, smiling when Harry moved to do the same with Eggsy. He froze when Q walked into the room following him.

"Sometimes I have to do the hard work," Harry murmured to Merlin, grinning a bit.

"I can't believe you did that," Merlin muttered.

Q paused in the doorway, tugging on the ends of his scarf lightly he looked around the room, his eyes finally landing on Eggsy. "You must be Eggsy, or is it Gary?"

"Eggsy please, and you must be..."

"You can call me Q," He held out his hand for a firm shake, turning to look at James. "Really James?"

James rose to his feet, pausing for a moment. "I was invited."

"This time," Q confirmed, sounding more amused than upset with him. "Do you mind if I stay?" He asked Merlin in the next moment.

"No, of course not, not at all," Merlin replied, waving a hand. "We should all actually go into the dining room."

Eggsy stood up and offered his hand to Harry, squeezing lightly. "Good job, guv," he murmured to him, leading him into the dining room he grinned as Harry pulled his chair out for him and watched as James did the same for Q.

"You must be joking," Q told Bond, pulling out the chair next to him and taking a seat in that.

James looked at Eggsy who shook his head quickly and took a seat. He would pick his battles, or at the very least Eggsy hoped that he would.

"This looks delicious," Harry commented as Merlin brought in the well carved roast.

"I don't remember the last time I had a meal that looked that good," James commented before he could stop himself.

Merlin looked startled himself, "Well, thank you. Both of you."

Q smiled and sipped from the glass of wine his father placed in front of him, swirling it in his mouth delicately. "Very nice."

Eggsy smiled as though he'd brought this all together himself even though Harry had helped substantially. "I'm sorry we're just now meeting," he told Merlin's son. "If I'd know you actually were...you, I would've insisted on meeting you sooner."

"It's fine," Q waved a hand. "My father likes his secrets. I didn't know you were all permanently living together."

"Oh we're not," Eggsy commented. "I still live at home part time, with my mum and little sister."

"My mistake," Q glanced at his father and arched an eyebrow.

Merlin just shook his head and began serving up the food for everyone. "Eat up, eat up. I worked hard today."

Harry rolled his eyes skyward. "Your father is miffed because I banned him from the manor today, and his lab."

Q made a sound of understanding. "Sometimes you have to do those things. Or he'd never see the light of day."

"Oh that's amusing," James commented, looking at him. "When was the last time that you saw the light of day aside from today? You need to take better care, and do more than simply drink tea and eat stale biscuits."

"I've been saying that for quite some time," Merlin gestured at his son. "He hardly takes care of himself and I know Moneypenny tries her best but she's got enough to deal with because of Mallory."

Eggsy turned to look at Merlin, but didn't say a word.

It just wouldn't do to let Merlin and Bond know that they were actually agreeing on something. It was actually rather amusing.

He glanced at Harry and winked, grinning when the older man simply rolled his eyes.

"I can take care of myself," Q interjected.

"You do look a bit thin, bruv, eat up," Eggsy told him, cheekily.

"Oh dear God, it's like...you are..." Q couldn't even get the words out, stammering.

"There's nothing wrong with Eggsy, but you are looking pale dear boy," Harry commented.

James chuckled, leaning back in his seat he seemed content to watch for the moment and was, as this family was nice, if not dysfunctional. He could see why Merlin and Q, respectively would want to keep it a secret, heaven forbid someone actually think negatively of it.

"I will promise to go out in the sun next time we actually see the sun," Q promised them all, looking a bit bored even as he took the first bite of his dinner.

"Perhaps a drive out to the countryside, in that new car you've been working on is in order, you can teach me how to use all its tricks," James turned to look at him and smiled charmingly.

"If I do that will you end up not returning only one piece of this car?" Q smirked back at him arching an eyebrow.

"Oh wow," Eggsy breathed then stammered when everyone turned to look at him. "Sorry, nothing to see here," he shoved some mashed potatoes into his mouth

"Manners," Harry chastised, sipping his wine.

"I promise, I will bring you back the car in one piece, if you take a drive with me," James promised.

"James, did you bring in Q's present?"

"My present?" Q asked, voice full of surprise.

James hopped up, excusing himself quickly he left the room and returned with a small cactus in a pot he set it next to Q's hand.

"A cactus?"

James nodded his head.

Merlin watched the two of them together, looking like he might be holding his breath, even as Harry touched his wrist and squeezed, reminding him not to say anything.

"That is...lovely," Q commented lightly, a small smile on his lips. "I like it; it will bloom?"

"It should, yes," James nodded his head. 'I know you have the cats, but you were complaining to Moneypenny about your flat being boring, even with the cat hair. And since your plant watering machine didn't work I figured..."

Q reached for the cactus, stopping just shy of touching it he stroked the pot instead, his smile growing. "You listened to all that?"

"I listen to quite a lot," James admitted.

"Oh god above," Merlin muttered, hissing when Eggsy poked him in the side. "What? Am I supposed to be happy about this?"

"If your son is happy, yes, you don't own him," Eggsy told him.

"I know, I know."

James turned to look at him. "Merlin, I promise I will do my utmost best to make sure I do not hurt your son."

"You're likely to die in the field."

"And I might die in a lab," Q protested, silencing the argument. "We can't avoid life, and enjoyment because our jobs might end in death."

Eggsy kissed Merlin's cheek and smiled. "Don't deny your son which you so greedily have." He turned to Q and smiled. "I hope you'll give him a chance."

"I think I will," Q replied, staring at the cactus.

"I hope you mean me, and not the cactus," James commented lightly.

"I mean you, 007," Q told him.

Eggsy's eyes widened. "You're 007?"

"Oh god, kill me now," Merlin muttered, taking a large drink.

"You're amazing mate, why didn't you tell me you were 007, we spent the day together?" Eggsy was practically bouncing in his seat. "You're an absolute legend."

"Oh god, don't," Q begged Eggsy with as much decorum as he could. "Please do not."

"I am, aren't I?" James straightened up a little bit. "We should go," he turned to Q.

"But James, that's...rude," Q said, glancing at his dad.

"No, you can go, in fact please go. Come back later, without him, or when he's feeling...more himself or less himself. God, what did you do Eggsy?"

"I gave your son a chance at romance," Eggsy grinned at him.

"We'll see you," James stood up, helping Q do so, "Let's go. We can go to your place."

"If you think I'm going to let that go so quickly, James, you don't know me at all. Let's go to your flat, I want to see if you've decorated." Merlin turned to Eggsy as the two of them left the room, and then the flat. "You are not hanging out with him again, eat your dinner." Harry hid a smile behind his glass. He doubted Merlin could be mad for long, after all Q would finally get out of the lab, or worse, drag James on in.
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