[identity profile] awritinglilypea.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] projectwritenow
Title: Wakey, Wakey, Bond Stole Our Eggs(y) and Bakey
Fandom: James Bond and Kingsman
Pairings: 00Q and MerHartWin
Rating: T or PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own James Bond or any the Kingsman characters
Summary: Merlin stresses, and stalks. Harry is quietly amused. Q realizes his doom has come to him and James is just a little bit confused.

Q worked at his desk in the lab diligently, ignoring the way his cell phone kept buzzing over and over again. Whoever it was appeared to be a very insistent person. Probably Bond. Or Moneypenny. Or Tanner.

He paused as the next text came through, feeling almost like the hair on the back of his neck was standing on end. He took a look around, peering through his glasses at the world around him.

There was no one there, and Bond had not entered the building unless he'd somehow managed to slip past Q's radar once again.

He finally picked up his phone and spotting a text from his father dialled out, with a soft sigh, unable to make sense of the unintelligible nonsense and swearing as it appeared on his screen.

"Thank God, lad, Thank God you've called," His father sounded just exhausted and Q straightened up, a sliver of fear trailing up his spine.

"What is it?" Q asked, demanded really, wondering if something had happened to Harry or his father, or Kingsman at large once again.

That had been enough of a mess the first time around.

"Your lover showed up at the flat this morning," His father replied, just as testily.

It was no wondering where he'd gotten his temper really, Q thought to himself, at least he had come by it honestly.

"My lover? I don't have...He didn't dare," Q murmured into the phone, taking a look around to make sure no one was looking.

"Oh he dared, now how do you think Eggsy, myself and Harry felt when we found an assassin in our kitchen?"

"Who the hell is Eggsy?" Q smirked as he took a sip from his mug. The very one Harry had given him three or four Christmases ago. He, of course, knew very well who Gary "Eggsy" Unwin was. He even knew quite a bit about his past, all of that which had not been mysteriously redacted of course.

"Don't play stupid, lad, it doesn't suit you," he could hear his father take a sip as well.

"Oh, were you planning on introducing him to me anytime soon, or is he a temporary fling? Because really, Father, the boy does seem quite attached and actually quite a good person," Q practically drawled.

"Yes, I was," the words came through gritted teeth. "God, please, stop calling him the boy."

Q chuckled. "Feeling old?"

"Right now yes, and quite glad I don't have hair as I would surely be tearing it out. I may have forgotten to mention you to Eggsy."

"Ouch," Q couldn't help himself, though he wasn't truly hurt. Being forgotten was kind of their job.

"Well, now the lad has taken it upon himself to team up with your lover, and the two of them are going to find you themselves."

Q choked on his next sip of tea, coughing he covered his mouth. "I beg your pardon?"

"Oh yes, Q, you made Bond...whatever and now he has teamed up with mine and Harry's third in order to come after you, because he wants to meet you and he's a hopeless bloody romantic."

"Oh god," Q murmured, thinking back on the file he'd read about Eggsy. "Oh dear God."

"Yes, you might want to pray to him, or whoever, as you will need all the help you can get," His father told him. "When Eggsy Unwin puts his mind to something nothing can stop him."

"Bloody..." Q sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "I suppose I'll be working from home for today."

"You know, you might just tell James that you're not interested and he would probably leave you alone."

Q shut down his laptop.

"Oh god, you actually like him don't you? I'm too old for this shite," His father hung up on him.

Q snorted, glancing around he wondered if he could make it to his flat without being seen or detected.


"So how long have you done your job?" Eggsy asked Bond as they walked down the street together, decked out in one of his own suits so he wouldn't look too out of place with the older man.

And Harry said he didn't know how to be presentable in public.

"For a long time," James responded bluntly, glancing over at him then away. "What made you want to be Kingsman?"

"Well, my dad was one," Eggsy responded, rubbing the back of his neck he looked away admittedly finding the other man's gaze a bit intimidating ."So how long have you known Q?"

"Four years, give or take," James responded. "He's a tough nut to crack, so to speak."

Eggsy nodded his head. "What've you done so far?"

"Well, I broke into his lab last week and left him a gift," James told him, surprised when the younger man snorted in amusement. "What?"

"You broke into the lab of someone who works for a spy agency, presumably undetected and left him a present, thinking that would turn out well?" Eggsy asked him. "I don't know about you, bruv, but one thing I've noticed is that most spies do not like surprises, especially those that might be seen as bombs and the like, you get me?"

James had the decency to look abashed and nodded his head. "I could see how that would be a problem, but it's been like he's been daring me to do it."

"James Bond, please tell me you know if Q actually has it for you, or if you're just doing it because you're bored. Because no means no," Eggsy told him.

"I am aware of that, thank you, Eggsy, and he did not tell me to stop, he seemed almost amused, if not challenged."

"So he's like his father, and likes a challenge," Eggsy commented. "Which means he might also like some romantic gestures."

James wrinkled his nose. "Whatever do you have in mind?"

Eggsy smirked, "You're lucky I'm here, bruv, so lucky."

"Are you moping, still?" Harry asked Merlin, leaning against the doorframe of his home office with a small smile on his face.

"I most certainly am not moping nor have I ever done so," Merlin told him, frowning deeply as he watched the progression of Eggsy and James on the CCTV footage he'd managed to pull.

"And that is why you are in here, on your day off instead of luxuriating with me?"

Merlin hummed. "I'm sorry?" He looked up.

Harry sighed softly. "Do either of them look bloodied, inured or upset in any way? Or Q for that matter?"

Merlin shook his head. "Q is amused, and horrified, in equal parts. James and Eggsy are doing...romantic things?"

Harry arched an eyebrow, walking around the desk he looked at the photos. "Are you jealous?" He asked, gripping the back of Merlin's neck and squeezing, before rubbing lightly.

Merlin shook his head. "Jealous that he's out with that...agent...when he should be at home with us? No. Not at all."

Harry smirked a little bit, sighing ."And how is Q?"

"He says hello, he also actually has feelings for Bond, which is just a little bit horrific."

"Yes, how dare he find love with someone who might actually be the best at understanding his world, and the life experiences they both have," Harry remarked dryly, smothering his laugh as a cough when Merlin turned to glare at him.

"Love? He doesn't love him, at most this is some sort of fling, Q is bored because there's been a lack of work since we stopped Valentine that's all, and with all the cleanup after he and Bond simply spent a little too much time together. This too will pass, just like his infatuation with that other spy."

"I do still find it concerning you continuously refer to Percival as that other spy when it comes to Q," Harry told him. "He's an esteemed friend and colleague, not to mention he's practically family with how close Roxy and Eggsy are. It's like they're siblings who were separated at birth or something."

"That other spy would probably help them if he were on British soil. And as for Eggsy's best friend, she's agreed to help them as well. They went into a bloody flower shop, and came out with a cactus."

"A cactus? That's rather thoughtful actually, considering how often Q works, he'll barely have to water it, it will stay alive for quite some time."


"Yes, dear?"


"Yes, dear." Harry chuckled as he left the room. He would be concerned as well, if it had not been for the sincerity and concern he'd seen in 007s face when it came to the younger man. Either that or he'd finally submitted to the insanity. That was also possible, but hard to pinpoint when that had begun.

He expected that it was when he first met Merlin, or Lee Unwin. Certainly it had progressed since he'd met Eggsy.

It had definitely gotten worse since Bond had found his way into their kitchen that morning.

Next time on Wakey Wakey: Eggsy and Roxy lecture Bond on how to treat people. James comes for dinner and Q wonders what they've done with his agent.
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