[identity profile] awritinglilypea.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] projectwritenow
Title: Wakey, Wakey, Bond Stole Our Eggs(y) and Bakey
Fandom: James Bond and Kingsman
Pairings: 00Q and MerHartWin
Rating: T or PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own James Bond or any the Kingsman characters
Summary: James Bond breaks into Merlin, Eggsy and Harry's kitchen hoping to find Q and embarks on a journey he could never imagine.



Eggsy stirred, shifting around in the bed he let out a sleepy groan, feeling constricted by the two men sleeping peacefully beside and on top of him. He opened his eyes and huffed out a breath, normally he wouldn't be the first one to wake but he needed to use the loo.

After a few moments of squirming and huffing it was clear he would not be able to crawl over either Harry or Merlin, and so with great effort he began shoving himself down the bed, very nearly smothering himself with the covers.

"Eggsy, what are you doing?" Merlin's voice came, sleepy and thick.

Eggsy landed on his feet and stood upright, "You two sleep awfully deep for a couple of secret agents," he grumbled, hair on end.

"You could've just shook me, lad," Merlin was more awake now, and the look of amusement on his face flooded Eggsy with warmth.

"You were so peaceful, and all," Eggsy rubbed the back of his neck, turning to walk toward the bathroom when he heard a crash downstairs that had Merlin rolling from the bed, to grab the gun hidden behind the headboard while Eggsy grabbed the one from the footboard.

Harry sprung up, his gun in hand as well.

"Good morning," Eggsy smiled cheekily at him.

"Good morning," Harry winked back at him and they all made their way from the room, into the kitchen downstairs where they found a man strung up, upside down, a Walther gripped in his hand.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Merlin hit the lights and groaned.

"Merlin?" The man managed to turn to look at them, surprised. "I thought Q lived here."

Merlin rubbed his forehead and set his gun down.

Eggsy watched, warily, and set his down only when Harry did, confused.

"Q hasn't lived here since he was sixteen years old," Merlin responded, frowning. "What the bloody hell are you doing trying to get into his home anyway?"

The man smiled, charmingly and Eggsy found himself intrigued in spite of himself. "He said that if I could find his home and get in he'd let me take him out to dinner."

"You most certainly will not," Merlin said, voice soft and firm.

Eggsy stepped forward, as Merlin moved toward the man and hit the release switch sending him toppling to the ground. "Scuse me, but who the fuck is Q?"

Harry gaped at Merlin, "You never told him?"

"Never told me what?" Eggsy asked, as Merlin actually looked to be at a loss for words.

"Well, lad," Merlin began, then stammered a few moments.

"Merlin has a son," Harry declared, rather severely. "His name is Q."

"You're his father?" Bond asked, horrified.

"You didn't even bother giving your son a proper name? What the hell, Merlin?" Eggsy was equally as horrified, though for different reasons.

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is all classified," he murmured as though he was getting a headache.

He got a lot of headaches.

"Which part?" Bond and Eggsy asked at the same time then glared at each other.

"You shouldn't be able to find my home, no one can know Q's name, and my being his father is out of the records for a reason," Merlin explained.

"Well I want to meet him," Eggsy told Merlin.

"Does that mean you won't help me find him?" Bond asked Merlin, sounding a little concerned as it were.

Eggsy looked at Merlin, and smiled suddenly.

"Eggsy, no."

"Eggsy, yes," Eggsy responded, turning to Bond. "You seem like a nice enough bloke, why don't I help you find him?"

"Eggsy is it? My name is Bond, James Bond," he smiled charmingly and held out his hand for a shake.

Harry stepped forward, "Don't you dare try it," he told Bond, glaring heatedly.

"It's so nice to meet you James," Eggsy shook his hand, pushing Harry away gently with the other he grinned up at him. "So tell me about Q, here, I'll make you something for breakfast. You sit and tell me all about him, since neither of them decided to let me know anything."

James smiled a little more warmly and sat down on one of the kitchen stools, reaching for the tea Eggsy put in front of him.

"This can't be happening," Merlin said softly. "I did anything I could to stop this from happening. I sent him on missions away when we were paired with MI6."

"Clearly, you didn't do enough," Harry hissed, watching as Eggsy made the other spy breakfast with dawning horror. "The world as we know it is over."

"Should I warn, Q?" Merlin asked him, patting him on the shoulder consolingly, wondering if he would get in trouble for stealing some bacon off the rapidly filling plates. He would, he knew he would.

Eggsy hated nothing more than when they hid something from him.

"Warn him? No, he brought this on himself," Harry told him, before exiting the kitchen rather dramatically, the laughter of Eggsy and Bond following close on his heels.

------------------------------------

Next on Wakey Wakey Bond Stole Your Eggsy and Bakey: Q feels a dawning sense of horror, as though an evil alliance has been formed. Merlin regrets that he has no hair, because truly, he feels like pulling it out, and Harry wonders if his life lost all control the minute he joined Kingsman, met Merlin, met Lee Unwin or decided to welcome Eggsy into their bed. He thinks it's a composite of all four.

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